When it don’t come easy

Well, here we are 7dpiui.  This has been definitely a different experience than the first one.  See, I am looking ahead at 2 of the biggest life changes one can have.  I am privy to information that I shouldn’t be.  It is a good thing, but at the sames time, a bit of a stressor.  I am set to find out that we are either pregnant or not, and I am getting laid off, both on the same day.  So, it puts a new twist on the “TWW”.  On one hand, I want the time to fly, so we can know if we are pregnant…and on the other hand I want it to take it’s sweet time. Each day passed is one day closer to me not having a job for the first time in 6 years.  That’s not entirely true, I do bar tend one night a week at the local queer bar, but I am talking about my career.  I have been in this position for 4.5 years, and have grown very comfortable.  Unfortunately, the company cannot afford me anymore, and we are parting ways.  I was lucky enough to find out with some notice, no thanks to said company.  So I have been semi-actively trying to find something else.  We thought long and hard about trying for IUI #2, as it was scheduled for a week after I found out the fate of my job.  We decided to move forward with the IUI, and not worry about it.  I am a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason”, and “it will work itself out”…because it always does.  So, throwing caution to the wind, we did it!  I am not getting any younger, and neither are these eggs of mine!  

So, let’s look ahead to July 8th with an open mind, and an open heart.  Change is one of the things I fear most in life, and always have.  I know deep down, it is normally for the best.  However, I am stubborn, none the less.  One thing is for sure, change is coming…

“I don’t know nothing except change will come, year after year what we do is undone.  Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run, I wonder if we’re ever gonna get home.” ~PG

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Strike One

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Little Massholes

This waiting shit is for the birds.  Who ever thought two weeks could take so long??  Two weeks to find out if all the money spent and being poked and prodded paid off.  Two weeks to find out if there is a little tiny person kickin it in the womb.  Speaking of wombs, the term Hostile Womb really cracks me up.  We can’t help wondering if I have little tiny Masshole Lesbians inside my uterus bullying the sperm just trying to complete their mission.  Hats on backwards, arms crossed, all bowed up with Boston accents, yelling at the innocent little sperm,  “What the fack ah you doin heah??  Get the fack outta heah!”  It is, after all, the first time sperm has entered the premises.  I am what they call, a “Gold Star”.  So here is to hoping the little Massholes inside me cooperate, and let just one sperm accomplish the mission.  We only need one!

9 More days…


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Go Time

Here we go!  So after a last hoorah vacation in Colorado, we came home, full speed ahead!  We just spent a week relaxing in pool sized hot tubs and drinking lots of good beer.  Knowing that this could quite possibly be the last vacation taken by just the two of us, it was extra special.

 We flew in after midnight Sunday, and had an 8 am ultrasound apt on Monday.  Time to check the follicles!  It seems as though they are growing appropriately.  So, next step is the Wednesday Ovudril shot in the belly!  I took it upon myself to shoot up after A’s explanation of wanting to shoot it like a dart into my stomach.  Two days later…SMILEY FACE!  Image

Ovulation success!  So it’s a Friday morning insemination! Friday morning came pretty quickly and without incident.  We sat patiently waiting to be called in.  I was about to have sperm inside me for the first time ever!  (EW).  But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!  Very shortly after walking in, the doctor rolled back from under the hood and told me to come back in a week to check progesterone levels.  Wait, WHAT?  That’s it??  It was over and done with before I knew it!  Actually, getting inseminated was the easiest part of all the procedures and ultrasounds that I had done in preparation to getting inseminated. Who knew??

Now to wait out the longest two weeks of our lives…

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Bachelor #1

Let the search begin!  This whole donor thing is SUCH a racket!  Not only is it $750 for the goods, but then there are all the “extras”.  $25 for pics, $30 for an audio interview, $50 for personality tests!  Not to mention the round trip fees for the shipping tank!  I liken it to buying a car…I want two doors, leather interior, 5 speed, etc.  So we are looking for 5’9″-5’11”, 150-170, brown hair, green eyes, CMV negative, and an “open” donor.  “Open” leaves the possibility of a future meeting down the road…18 years down the road.  Having such criteria gave us about 4 options.  We decided to open it up to more hair colors and eye colors and a taller height. Seems that 90% of the men that donate are CMV positive, and don’t really want to be contacted by their many future offspring.  Go figure!  So we narrowed it down to 5 bachelors. We are basing this decision on basic profile, personal essay, staff impressions, and an extensive medical history.  We decided not to choose based on pictures. We would decide on a person, and then get the pictures after the fact,  We are not going to be like the loony lady who spent $400 trying to find a baby picture with a dimple!  Ok, decision made, we found a donor!  Lets get the pics!  But, unfortunately, he had no pics.  I have a hard time bringing a child into the world and not being able to provide said child with at LEAST a photograph!  Back to the drawing board.  One of the very first guys we found on the second search has turned out to be the winner!  He shall be referred to as Bachelor #1.  He is 6 ft, 168 lbs, brown curly hair, and brown eyes.  He is Irish, French Canadian (like me!) as well as Polish and Italian.  He is reportedly care free and casual, with a medium athletic build and puppy dog eyes.  So we bought the pics…ADORBS!  He has had pregnancies in the past, so we know the swimmers are good.  Hopefully, they are up for this challenge! 

We shall see soon enough…  

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Change of Plans

So after a long, thought out process, we have decided to go in another direction.  After all the blood work and testing, it seems PD and I just don’t match.  There is that pesky CMV virus that I just don’t have, unlike 60-85% of Americans.  If I was positive, it wouldn’t matter.  The doctor says I am “as pure as driven snow”, haha.  So after putting my ripe age of 37 into consideration, and a mismatched CMV status on the table, we decided to go with an anonymous donor.  It was heartbreaking decision, and one we put a lot of thought into.  There was just something special about starting this family and having the missing part coming from one of my oldest friends.  However,  We listened to the advice from our doctors and did plenty of research on our own.  There are just too many risk factors here.  A is convinced we are already going to have a baby with a pin head and a tail, so we shouldn’t pile on any more risk factors. 

That being said, let the donor search begin…

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And so it begins

And so it begins…this insane journey of creating a new life.  Adrienne and I have been been together the better part of 5 years.  We have decided, after much thought, to try to begin a family.  I should say, we have decided to extend our family, because I do believe that her and I alone, are a family.  This decision didn’t come lightly, and apparently we can’t actually do it without the “thumbs up” from a licensed therapist!  I have spent a LOT of time thinking about this, and I know it’s not going to be easy.  It will in fact be the hardest thing we will probably ever decide to do.  Life will change, drastically.  I like my life.  No, I love my life, but I think this will enrich it in a way that only a parent will ever know.  It is time to make the sacrifices that I know we are capable of making.  The ones that our parents made for us. 

The decision to ask PD to donate was an easy one.  He is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and 1/2 the reason I moved to Florida.  If it wasn’t partially for him, I never even would have met Adrienne.  They get along better than I could ask for.  Sometimes, they even go out looking for boys to look at, leaving me in the lurch, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  He is a brilliant mind, and a beautiful soul.  He’s not hard on the eyes either.  I dare us to not make a beautiful child!

In my head, I have had him lined up for this job for years.  I was just never sure the job opening was going to have to be filled.  He agreed, without one second of hesitation. I just basically gave him the first right of refusal, and he graciously accepted with a smile.

 I know now that I am ready, and I am ready to do it together with Adrienne.  I think we will make great parents, along with the help of our support system and village of friends.  It takes a village, People! 

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